Becoming Elise is a personality, a diary, a vision for myself and the world. It's reflection, thought, love, peace, joy, expression, intrigue, imagination and connection. Loyal readers will find it like a puzzle. When all these individual pieces are woven together you will know me better and by extension you will always have a friend in me.
Sometimes the best thing you can do to ease a troubled mind is to daydream. Day dreaming is the sweetest and most honest form of fantasizing that you can do any time and any where.
I daydream constantly. That's the great part.
I can be at work on the outside, surrounded by co workers and strangers alike, people barking orders at me in hostile and ignorant tones, the sounds of the coffee grinder and cash register in the background and the kitchen bell ringing for my attention; BUT on the inside I am imagining having dinner with the cute guy at the counter, what I would wear, where we would go, and the goofy things he would say in an attempt to win me over.
The experience is indulgent and refreshing. It allows you to escape the hustle and bustle of your average day and experience a more relaxed version of your life.
The events you imagine may never come to pass, or those daydreams may help give you the courage to change your life and move towards your fantasy life.
So spend some time every so often focusing on your daydreams. You may find something out about yourself or discover something worth changing your life for.
As a writer, I am naturally drawn to words. I express my emotions through writing. I play word games for fun, and I even use words in most of the decorating in my home. So it only comes naturally to me that words hold a deep meaning for me.
Think about it. Words can inspire, hurt, clarify, protect, create and destroy. The power of a word is nothing short of awesome.
EXAMPLE...
I __________ You. The word you place in the blank makes all the difference.
This brings us to the moral of my story. Don't say words unless you are committed to their meaning. The words (and all the power they possess) spew from your lips and enter the ear space of another person. That person then absorbs the power of the words in some way based on your choice of words and their meanings. This process creates emotions within the person hearing them, that, depending on what was said, could create a negative response.
Always be prepared to stand behind the words that you speak. Whether you are in the heat of an argument, the decor in your home, or just in the midst of an afternoon conversation, your words carry meaning and power that creep into the thoughts, hearts and decisions of those that hear them. When you say hurtful things, you should not be surprised when the receiver becomes angry or upset. Whether you think you meant to hurt them or not, you knew the meanings of the words you chose and you let the words pass through your lips.
So the next time you tell your boyfriend you hate his mother, be sure that you really hate his mother, and you are not simply angry.
The sign above my bed says 'Always Kiss Me Goodnight'. I mean always. Angry with you or not I expect that to stand because I stand by my words. I meant what I said and I said what I meant...Horton was a genius.
The space between two people is directly correlated to the degree of freedom to be yourself within the confines of that relationship.
Think about it.
You bump into a stranger on the street and you are not going to immediately divulge the details of your sex life, or your views on politics. You will act in the way you were taught to be proper. This may include a smile or polite hello. It may be no response at all, but that is the difference between a stranger and a friend.
A friend would be privy to more personal information about you. They may know how you drink your coffee, why you and your ex broke things off, or who you voted for in the last election. The space between you and the friend is less than the space between you and the stranger.
Ok now follow me on this.
Consider that you are in a long term committed relationship. How big is the space between you and your chosen partner? This person should know all your hopes and dreams, your fantasies and fears.
What happens when one party feels unaccepted in any way by the other? The space between you is widened. Your bond is lessened. This tells me it is not meant to be.
If the person you are committed to does not allow you to be yourself, or you can not find it within you to be yourself with this person then it will only breed a great divide between you. For example, if you have friends that know more about your goals for your future, or are more supportive of those goals than the man you have been seeing for -X- years, the space between you and your partner is too great.
Now don't confuse the space between to be a literal space. It is possible to maintain strong relationships with people a great physical distance from you, as long as you have the freedom to express your ideas and emotions free of judgment and persecution.
I guess the real moral of the story is to always be yourself. If you feel unable to do so in any given relationship, romantic or otherwise, it may be time for a change. You will never be happy playing your life by someone else's rules. Surround yourself with people that will accept you for who you can honestly be around them, and you will live a close and happy life indeed.
Like millions of other unprepared teenagers will do this month, my baby sister graduated high school. Naturally, my parents are worried about her future, her security, education, job options, and lifestyle in general. All of their concern got me thinking about my own relationship with my parents, and if their worry and agitation from the decisions we make ever really changes.
If you need an example of what I mean, think of a time your parents aggressively offered their opinion or advice on a decision you made about what car you were going to buy, who you decided to date/marry, disciplining your child, or where you wanted to live.
So for everyone out there. parent or child, who may have some idea of what I'm talking about... here we go.
Dear Mom and Dad,
I understand that you have an overwhelming sense of responsibility to assure that my life turns out perfect. You want me to have the best of things for myself and my children and may even wish for me to become successful enough to care for you without worry in your later years. I know you have lived longer and have experienced more, and I appreciate all of your advice and concern; and would certainly miss your pointers if you were to cut me off from your input.
However, I will find my way.
Remember that you raised me, and my decisions stem from the education, life experience, stories, morals and ideals that came from you. Have faith in my ability to find my path with the life compass you provided. I may not always choose the road you would choose for me, but I will discover the life that is right for me.
Know that I love you, that I appreciate all you have done and will do for me. Know I think of how you will judge my life decisions, no matter how conscious or subconsciously, prior to making my final decision. You are always with me in some way, an it is in that way we choose these things together.
There is no need to be angry because of a decision I have made. Every path leads to something and the possibilities could be greater than you may be able to see at the moment. Believe that I will steer my life in a direction that will make me successful and happy in the ways I define those two ideas and those ideas again come from the life you have given me. You may not understand why or how but I know the answers and if you ask me I will tell you. That is the beauty of growing up. I will make my way just as you did.
I love you even though there are times I may not like you.
Trust and believe and one day I will make you proud.
Have you ever had a conversation, maybe with a parent or a significant other, during which you poured out your heart and you truly believed that their knowledge of how you thought and felt would change your relationship forever?
And then it didn't.
Ok. Let's say you have never had that conversation. Have you ever heard a song on the radio you've known the words to for years, and realize while you are singing along, that the song is not what you thought because you just realized what the words actually meant?
It is the same feeling.
All along you were hearing that song. But you never took the time to apply meaning to the lyrics. You were hearing, not listening.
Most people know the difference between hearing and listening, but somehow have the inability to apply it to conversation.
So when I say "I want you to move out."
He hears "I'm angry, wait until tomorrow morning and we will start again."
Even though I mean what I say and if you were listening it would be obvious, you were hearing the words but not applying all the aspects of listening to the conversation.
Consider body language.
If I say "I want you to move out," while hiding under the covers and crying I may just be upset and need time to cool off before approaching the subject again.
If I say it standing in the middle of the room, tall shoulders back, not crying, and helping you pack like a civilized adult, there is a good chance that I meant it.
Consider tone.
If I am irrational and screaming that I want you to leave, I may be angry and need time to cool off.
If it is during a conversation, during which both of us are level toned and calm, there is a good chance that I mean it.
Consider the meaning of the words.
If I say "Get out and leave me alone." I probably want you to "get out" of the room/house and "leave me alone" until I calm down.
If I say "This relationship isn't working and I think that it is time for you to find a new place to live," that is probably exactly what I mean.
Your conversations my not be as serious as the example, but it paints a clearer picture. Imagine the problems that could be cured by clear communication. Listen to the ones you love. It could make all the difference.
Like the first time I realized what Love in an Elevator by Aerosmith was actually about...shocking.
The experience is indulgent and refreshing. It allows you to escape the hustle and bustle of your average day and experience a more relaxed version of your life.
