What will be different tomorrow?

The Follow through...

Belief and action are different animals.

Belief is in the mind, and therefore does not exist.  By that I mean, it is not tangible, nor can a stranger on the street possibly have knowledge of its presence. 

Example...

I can believe myself to be a kind and generous person that cares for their fellow man and wants to better the world or at least her portion of it.  But Billy Bob walking behind me at the mall couldn't possibly know this by the coat I am wearing or by what stores I walk into. 

In this way, belief does not exist.  While what you believe may have a profound effect on your personal feelings and lifestyle, without action...it simply isn't real.

Action is the proof of belief.   If your actions are in line with your beliefs, it will become know by the world outside of yourself. 

Example...

I believe myself to be a kind and generous person that cares for their fellow man and wants to better the world or at least her portion of it.  By hosting charity auctions, clothing drives and volunteering at the local food bank, these beliefs are made obvious to the rest of my piece of the world.

However, by the very same token, my actions can just as easily disprove my belief.

Example...

I believe I am an athletic, strong and capable adult who is going far in life, but I am unemployed, don't play sports or exercise, and spend most of my time on the couch eating microwavable meals and playing video games.  Chances are that the rest of the world around you will disagree with your beliefs.  If you were honest with yourself about your situation, you would probably disagree also. 

Here's the point.  It's about the follow through.  You can believe yourself to be whatever it is that you want, but that's not truth.  (I can believe I'm an eight foot tall hippopotamus in a pink tutu, but that doesn't make it so.)  Belief without action is imagination.  Prove to the world that you can embody the things you believe yourself to be.  Only with action can it be real. 

Christina Perri - The Lonely [Official Lyric Video] (+playlist)

I love the melodies of Christina Perri's music.  This is the first time I have heard this particular song of hers, but it is as good as all the others. 

Keeping up and moving forward

A friend reminded me recently that I have something to say.

That seems like an odd statement since everyone has something they need to express and views  they want to share with others.  But I have been in such a funk lately that I had forgotten that I had anything to offer through my words.  I may not have a ton of readers, but there are those reading my blog because they are looking for something.  They are feeling the same things I am feeling.  I have always used this blog to express my views and feelings on my position in life.  But it never really occurred to me that other people were finding my blog at random because they searched the Internet for answers, for reassurance that they are not the only souls in this great big world feeling what they are feeling.

When we get down, we often feel lonely.  And worse yet, people are trying to snap you out of it, and make you feel better.  The problem being that while they are trying to perk you up, they are perky, which only makes you feel set apart from the crowd.

I will sometimes scour the Internet for ways to improve my mood and my views on life.  And others do too.  That is how so many of my readers stumble upon my blog. They are looking to know that they are not alone.

No matter how you are feeling, happy, sad, lonely, tired, scared or excited, chances are there is someone else out there feeling exactly the same way at exactly the same time.  You are never truly alone.  I had lost touch with this idea.  I quit expressing myself and worse yet I quit providing companionship to you through my words.

While I was feeling low, I did a little searching myself.  But what I found was that all of the problems I was having, and all the feelings I was feeling were everywhere. Not only was I not alone, but I was joining the party late.  There were thousands of others out there going through what I was , and not only that but many of them had been feeling it much longer.

Disappointment is so common place in today's world that most of us have simply become accustomed to being let down.  We take what little we can get and hold on to it for dear life, never daring to try for anything greater because we have the expectation that life will let us down.

The only advice I can offer is never give up hope.  The shimmer of something great bursting from behind those complacent eyes in the mirror, that is your hope.  Your dream that someday things will be amazing.  Maybe our views change as we get older and we simply become dazzled by situations our younger selves found common place.  But maybe, life exceeds our expectations only when we least expect it.

As one door closes...

I have thought about the day I would finally graduate college many times. Although this will not be the last time, it is the first and most important.

I have made friends.  Friends that share my interests and goals.  I have learned lessons that will not be found in any books.  This is the culmination of two years of finding out what my strengths and weaknesses are.  It is a new beginning for a girl who never knew what she wanted or where she would go.

The truth is, I still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up, but at least I have skills that will lead me in the right direction.  Of course I am nervous about what comes next.  What school will I attend to earn my next degree?  Will I be able to find employment in this less than promising job market?

I don't know.  What I do know, is the people and experiences that I have gained during these years, I would not trade for any job.  So even if I end up right back where I started, I know that I tried, and I enriched my life in the process.

So the only question left is where will I go from here?

Coming soon

I'm working on a new, more focused and fully awesome reinvention of my blog. Expected launch is the beginning of 2013. Previews and specifics to come. I look forward to seeing you all soon.

Homeless. Need work. Anything will do.

This sign was held by a middle aged man perched on the median where a traffic light hung at the entrance to Walmart in Morehead City, North Carolina.

Fit enough for labor, but with a kind enough face for business or sales; he appeared in good health. He had his backpack and a sign, written in black marker on a torn piece of cardboard.

The look of desperation in his eyes struck a chord as I passed.

My summer was interesting to say the least, and I was genuinely afraid that because of our somewhat impetuous decision making (what we saw as a leap of hope), our family could end up like this man.

We had decided to move to North Carolina's coast based on the overwhelming feeling of serenity the sea brings to our family.  Even impatient me relaxes with only the sound of the waves.  When a job opportunity presented itself, we decided to go for it.  The idea was a fresh start, oceans and opportunity.

But it seemed from the moment we arrived, we were like fish swimming against the current.  Nothing went like we had planned.  

The apartment we had lined up was scary.  Our mistake was not going to see it ourselves.  We had family scope it out for us.

LESSON LEARNED: "Nice" is a relative term.

We arrived late on a Wednesday night, and had to stay.  The house was small enough to fit in the downstairs of the apartment we had just moved from.  There was water damage everywhere.  There were no counters or cabinets in the kitchen, mouse droppings in the bedrooms, and the entire place looked like it was still under construction.  The backyard was soggy from the septic system, and the dryer was in a shed, outside on cinder blocks.  When we opened the door to see it, there was a two inch roach on the dryer.  Worst of all, the bathroom looked like a gas station bathroom in a bad horror movie; covered with rust, mildew and dead bugs.

We spent only one night.  Panicked, we took the next apartment we were able to find.

Work was hard for my partner to find, and I was having a difficult time reaching my new boss.  After two weeks of this, I finally met with my employer.

The deal had changed.  The position he promised me was (to put it nicely) a joke.  

LESSON LEARNED: If it sounds to good to be true, it usually is.

We searched, applied, followed up and did it all again, but the situation remained the same. 

When we saw the sign, we both knew what needed to be done.

After a week of last ditch efforts and late night debating, we swallowed our pride and moved back to Pennsylvania.  Wiser for our journey, if nothing else.

LESSON LEARNED: Our plans and Life's plans for us may not be the same.

To the poor man, on the median, begging for work, we were just another car passing him by.  But he reminded us that no matter how unsatisfied we are with our situation in life, someone has it worse.  

I wish I could have helped him that day, but we were in no position.  We had to sell our car for the money to get us back to PA.  We had no money for food or gas.  We borrowed from my parents to make it home safe.    

Now, we are living with my mother-in-law, searching for full-time work and both working side jobs.  

This is almost where we started our journey together nine years ago.  Only this time, we have a clear picture of what we want and where we are working towards.  

It's funny how life sometimes pushes the restart button we wish we had.