Overeating has been a problem today. I seem to have a hunger that nothing can satisfy.
Sadness makes you react in strange ways. Even when you try to avoid it, it creeps up on you and attacks.
My grief is alive today. Always, but today it is strong. His memory seems to be alive and so I would like to dedicate this to him.
We will love you always.
DRIFTERS
Drifters are those people that are not rooted to life. They are the people who drift through the lives of others, offering something of value, and then disappearing from your life just as quickly and unexpectedly as they came.
I knew a drifter once. To realize one has been in your life is a gift.
I met Brian when I was 17. We started dating six months later. A year after, we were expecting. With Brain came his family, as anyone who is married knows.
Enter my drifter.
He was harsh. He was blunt. He held a grudge. He was a rough man who had taken on the world and lived to tell about it. He was Brian's father.
We didn't always see eye to eye. In fact, there were times I was not welcome in his home.
There were times when we got along famously. He had years of experience and wisdom to share, but was only willing if he knew you were listening, not just hearing.
He was 55 when he died.
I knew him for seven years. We fought. We argued. We laughed until we cried. We became family. He helped me raise a little lady. He helped me grow up.
I loved him.
I always will.
R.I.P. William Atkins
June 23, 1956 to February 23, 2011
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Parenting...or Something Like That
Some parents are overbearing. They will hover over their children's decisions, guiding them in a particular direction. For example, the doctor that pushes his child to become a doctor as well. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with following in someones footsteps, but they life you forge should be your own.
In an ever changing world, there is no right answer for life paths. Everyone finds their own way.
As parents, the best thing for us to do is teach the moral standards of right and wrong, and hope that our children will apply them to real life situations. Of course we don't want our children to make poor moral decisions. But honestly mom and dad, what are the chances that your child will make atrocious, incomprehensible life shattering decisions that will ruin the lives of millions without you holding their hand? Slim.
As a mother, I understand the pressure of feeling like your children need to be well educated, well dressed, and grow to fit the social requirements of our society. I know you don't want your child to want. I know you don't want your child to be unprepared or under prepared. I know you want your child to grow to be healthy, happy, safe and above all successful. I know because these are things I want for my little girl. They are ideas that float in and out of my thoughts throughout the day.
But as a child, I know that my definitions of success and happiness are far different from my parents. Just as I know that my daughters generation will have their own feelings on these matters.
My parents have the best of intentions when giving me advice or scolding me for what they think was a poor life decision. All parents do. But the world is changing.
Going back to school isn't unconventional for a single mother anymore. If we only bought things that were American made, we wouldn't be a consumer nation. And it is no longer taboo for a woman to have a child out of wed lock. Women are becoming the bread winners in more and more households, while stay at home dads are increasingly prominent.
The ideals that were strong 50 years ago are not as defined as they once were. We are viewing the world through a different pair of eyes than our parents ever did.
As a parent, I only hope I will be able to guide my child to the decisions that are best for her life and her personality. I know the challenges of a parent will always be mine. But I think it is important for a child to choose their own life path.
They need to make life their own. They need to decide what makes them happy and set their own standards for their success. And when appropriate, they need to be allowed to make mistakes.
After all, if they never make mistakes, how will they ever learn about who they are?
In an ever changing world, there is no right answer for life paths. Everyone finds their own way.
As parents, the best thing for us to do is teach the moral standards of right and wrong, and hope that our children will apply them to real life situations. Of course we don't want our children to make poor moral decisions. But honestly mom and dad, what are the chances that your child will make atrocious, incomprehensible life shattering decisions that will ruin the lives of millions without you holding their hand? Slim.
As a mother, I understand the pressure of feeling like your children need to be well educated, well dressed, and grow to fit the social requirements of our society. I know you don't want your child to want. I know you don't want your child to be unprepared or under prepared. I know you want your child to grow to be healthy, happy, safe and above all successful. I know because these are things I want for my little girl. They are ideas that float in and out of my thoughts throughout the day.
But as a child, I know that my definitions of success and happiness are far different from my parents. Just as I know that my daughters generation will have their own feelings on these matters.
My parents have the best of intentions when giving me advice or scolding me for what they think was a poor life decision. All parents do. But the world is changing.
Going back to school isn't unconventional for a single mother anymore. If we only bought things that were American made, we wouldn't be a consumer nation. And it is no longer taboo for a woman to have a child out of wed lock. Women are becoming the bread winners in more and more households, while stay at home dads are increasingly prominent.
The ideals that were strong 50 years ago are not as defined as they once were. We are viewing the world through a different pair of eyes than our parents ever did.
As a parent, I only hope I will be able to guide my child to the decisions that are best for her life and her personality. I know the challenges of a parent will always be mine. But I think it is important for a child to choose their own life path.
They need to make life their own. They need to decide what makes them happy and set their own standards for their success. And when appropriate, they need to be allowed to make mistakes.
After all, if they never make mistakes, how will they ever learn about who they are?
Monday, February 6, 2012
Got it Worse
Sometimes it is hard for us to step outside our busy lives and look at the world objectively.
With lives filled with jobs, children, classes, dirty dishes, doctors appointments, and shopping, movie nights, birthday parties, and making dinner; who in the world has time.
We get wrapped up in our own worlds. But once in a while, I like to stop and think about the world on a larger scale.
I will look at my neighbors, co workers, friends, family, and community. I listen to people tell me their problems and worries. It makes me more appreciative of the life I have, and the problems I don't.
Growing up my mother would always say things like "Don't waste that food. There are starving children in Africa."
To which of course my response was, "Let's get a box and ship it to them then."
But now that I am older, I look at little things like the fact that I am sitting down to a warm meal in a much brighter light. Somewhere along the line, I realized there really was someone starving somewhere, and I should be grateful for the food on my plate.
Even on a smaller level, I have learned to be thankful for my own problems. Other people's troubles sound worse than mine.
Friends are going through custody battles. Co-workers have family on drugs, getting arrested, and hospitalized. Neighbors are scraping by for basic necessities.
And suddenly my car breaking down, and having to buy a new one doesn't seem so bad. My child having an attitude that needs adjusting isn't as big as problems people are having in my community. Homes are catching fire. Children are going missing. People are dying.
Compared to all that, my life is pretty awesome.
It's a good practice, to step outside yourself and view the world through a different set of eyes.
Like my mother always said, "someones got it worse."
With lives filled with jobs, children, classes, dirty dishes, doctors appointments, and shopping, movie nights, birthday parties, and making dinner; who in the world has time.
We get wrapped up in our own worlds. But once in a while, I like to stop and think about the world on a larger scale.
I will look at my neighbors, co workers, friends, family, and community. I listen to people tell me their problems and worries. It makes me more appreciative of the life I have, and the problems I don't.
Growing up my mother would always say things like "Don't waste that food. There are starving children in Africa."
To which of course my response was, "Let's get a box and ship it to them then."
But now that I am older, I look at little things like the fact that I am sitting down to a warm meal in a much brighter light. Somewhere along the line, I realized there really was someone starving somewhere, and I should be grateful for the food on my plate.
Even on a smaller level, I have learned to be thankful for my own problems. Other people's troubles sound worse than mine.
Friends are going through custody battles. Co-workers have family on drugs, getting arrested, and hospitalized. Neighbors are scraping by for basic necessities.
And suddenly my car breaking down, and having to buy a new one doesn't seem so bad. My child having an attitude that needs adjusting isn't as big as problems people are having in my community. Homes are catching fire. Children are going missing. People are dying.
Compared to all that, my life is pretty awesome.
It's a good practice, to step outside yourself and view the world through a different set of eyes.
Like my mother always said, "someones got it worse."
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