These Crazy Kids...

You've heard the sayings a thousand times. 

'Kids these days,' someone will say. Or something like 'Can you believe Mary let her 16 year old dye her hair blue?' 

But if that's not what being young is for, then what is?  Let's face it, we all went through some sort of crazy, 'expressing ourselves' phase in our youth.  And besides, how many 35 year olds do you really want to see running around with long black finger nails, pink streaks in their hair and tie dyed leggings under a black punk rocker skirt. 

This is the sort of fashion meant for teens.  But let's take it a little further.  Let your children slurp spaghetti, blow bubbles in their milk, paint their fingers and toes a hideous shade of green and wear glitter body lotion.  It's fun. 

And why not join in a little.  None of this hurts anyone.  It may disturb some of the more conservative adults out there, but it's all in good fun.  I was always taught that your choices are your own and as long as you aren't hurting anyone, and you aren't effecting others or asking them to do it too, then their opinion didn't matter.  And I believe that. 

So what if my 19 year old sister has a tattoo and pink stripes in her hair.  Does that mean she is not capable of performing the job duties of a waitress?  Not at all.  It just means that the conservatives doing the hiring forgot the crazy things they did when they were 19. Like sneaking Kiss records into a party when their parents were away, and painting their faces like Gene Simmons.  You know who you are.

And next time you are at a Denny's and your kids start to blow bubbles in their chocolate milk, don't scold them and tell them to stop just because of what those around you might think.  Join in.  Why not have some fun yourself?

Letter To a Lost Loved One

I miss you.

I know I may not have appreciated your guidance and advice as much as I should have while you were here with me, but you were always there and I will forever be thankful that you were.

Life has continued to creep along since we lost you, but we are all different somehow. You brought more to all our lives than we realized.

I learned about patience and appreciation through your acts of both.
You made seemingly insignificant events seem special through your enthusiasm. You held us all together in a way we can't seem to do without you.

I miss you.
I love you.
Merry Christmas.

And my love to anyone who reads this and draws a tear at the thought of a lost loved one.

Irrational fear

I've never had irrational fears.

I know people that are afraid of monkeys, clowns, oompa-loompas, technology, rodents, and a number of other things that really won't harm you in any way. I mean, oompa-loompas, they are fictional for goodness sake.

I never understood irrational fears.

I can understand why some people are afraid of heights, or dogs, or even driving. Under the right set of circumstances, all of these things can prove dangerous and could cause physical harm.

I, on the other hand probably don't fear enough. I'm not above saying it , I'm cocky, on a good day anyway.

I fear very little for myself. All my fears pertain to my daughter. I fear for her safety, her up bringing, her happiness.

I fear above all else what would happen to her if I weren't there for her.

I don't have time for irrational fears. I have enough to worry about in the real world, without worrying about clowns attacking me in my sleep.

So thank you to the worriers. The world needs you just as much as it needs the overly confident like me. And to those of you in the middle, thank you for balancing us extremists.

Celebrate

When it comes to holiday cheer, I am disgusting.

I get out my Christmas decorations the day after Halloween and spend the next seven week meticulously placing each and every light, figurine and ornament in the exact place it will help me achieve optimum festiveness.  I take special care to place the glass balls on the bare spots to the inside of the branches of the tree, leaving room on the outer limbs for the unique features of snowmen and reindeer.

I love to have the lights on in the evenings for weeks before Christmas.  I have carols playing all the time.  They are on in my car, at work, while I'm cooking and cleaning.  I have even been caught singing them in the shower.  I hum to myself and whistle and smile more.

I love the smell of fresh cookies filling the air.  It beats the smell of burnt french fries from the night before or the smell of the six year old playing with paint and clay.

 I love passing out Christmas cards and shopping for gifts for my friends and loved ones.  I love dressing up the packages in beautiful papers and bows and thinking of clever ways to address the tags.

It's all fun.

I hate getting gifts.  I don't like to be the center of attention while things are being opened.  Especially when you open a gift from your mother or husband that you hate.  You have to smile and act like you love it.  Inside, your just hoping they don't notice weeks later that you don't have the hideous vase on the coffee table or that you haven't worn the sweater that looked like it was made for someones grandfather out of recycled yarn and iron-ons.

And it's not the break I love either.  I don't get time off from work, and I miss school terribly over the breaks.

The reason I love the holiday so, is that people are nicer.  Genuinely nicer, kinder.

Now of course I don't mean people like the crazy woman who pepper sprayed people in line at Walmart on Black Friday.  I'm talking about the average person you pass on the street.  Your neighbors, your co-workers, and your family.  People are a little more considerate, a little more selfless and a little more friendly.  You can see a softer, more childlike side to people.  It's not something that's forced.  These people aren't nice because they are being paid to be.  They are kind for no other reason than they can be and it's the right thing to do.

It is simple.  It is beautiful.  Watch and you will see people letting others go in traffic, neighbors sending gifts to people they barely know, people showing appreciation for servers, valets and bartenders they see everyday but usually ignore.

These small acts of kindness are the reasons I love this time of year.

So sing, and decorate and bake and wrap, but don't forget the most important part of Christmas...
love one another.

Thinking Outside The Megan

There is a man I look up to, and not because I'm only five feet tall.

I look up to him because he is what I refer to as my "life coach".  No matter how I am feeling, no matter my situation, he always has the right words.   He has the uncanny ability to make me look on the bright side.  He is always polite, friendly and good for conversation.  He is always on the move and keeps me motivated to do the same.

So, for me to think of him ever not wanting to be that person caught me by surprise.  

It makes me think of my world differently.  I get so caught up in the stress in my own life, that I often don't stop to think of others and what they may be going through.  

We all have those days when we say things like "I don't need attitude from you today".  We project the fact that we are frazzled on others and expect them to change their behavior to accommodate our moods. No one ever stops to think that perhaps the reason the cashier at Walmart is giving you attitude could be because she is also having that kind of day.  Sometimes we can't help but be completely self involved. 

I never realized that the one person I view as awesome in every way, might have days that he was so overwhelmed that he wanted to be someone else.  Then he shared something profound with me.  He said "Sometimes I wish I wasn't the me I created."  

For those of you who may not understand that, let me elaborate.  What he meant was, he is the person that made all of these commitments.  He put himself in these situations requiring his attention and time, and so the only person he has to blame is himself.  Not that he was angry or regretful about who he was, just that, at times, he wishes he hadn't set the bar quite as high for himself.

It made me step outside the box-o-Megan and see beyond myself.  I may be stressed, but this time of year so is just about everyone else.  And if I am overwhelmed with the commitments I have made, tough.  I need to learn to run with it.  Yet another lesson I learned from a man I admire greatly.  

So the next time you are having a really hard day, stop and think about those around you.  It doesn't really matter where you are, chances are that someone is feeling the exact same way.  If that doesn't make you feel better, you and the other stressed party could always take out your stress with a hardcore game of rock-em' sock-em' robots.

My Autobiography In 6 Words

Created something beautiful.  Named it Evelyn.


Still in progress.  Check back soon.


Striving for perfection.  Meanwhile, finding life.


Meaning well.  Being misunderstood often.


Smiling through the clouds and storms.


Found that writing dried my tears.


Tried and failed but still prevailed.


I lived my life my way.

Dead Fish

Dead Fish

He was just lying on the clear sandy beach around sunset.   He had appeared out of nowhere, apparently swept in by the rising evening tide.  But that is the point of the adage.  “Even dead fish can swim with the current.”  And this fish had reached the end of the line. 
This vacation had been rocky before it started as had the last year.  I realized staring down at this giant dead fish that my life had been floating along with the current for some time and I too felt like this beach would be the end of that journey.

What the photo doesn’t show is that something had begun to eat at this animal.  It was difficult to spot, but what had looked like a whole fish at first, turned out to be hollow.  I too was hollow.  Not physically of course, but the stress of what was missing made me different.  The lack of communication, compassion, unity and appreciation between myself and the family I brought with me on this trip made me feel like I was a shell of what I once was floating on a current to a distant shore. 

I saw this carcass as a sign of ending, but also as a sign that something new was about to begin.  I looked into its lifeless eyes and I decided to start over.  I may not be able to change the way my family communicated or treated one another, but I can change the way I responded to it.  I cut ties and mended others.  I basked in my grandmothers company.  I never know how many more times I will be able to say that.  I bonded with my daughter and I blocked out all the negativity brought on by those around me.  I refused to be in the company of the miserable.   I would not be the hollow fish in the current.

As the sun set, I continued to walk down the beach, leaving the fish behind me.  In the months to follow, I would rearrange my life.  I would not end up like the drum fish on the beach.  I learned the lesson.  Always forward, never with the tide.

Honorable Mention

A man I never knew from California has had an unbelievable impact on my life.  He has changed the way I communicate with my family.  He has influenced the way I raised my child.  He has steered my life towards a career path.  But he hasn’t done these things for just me.  He has performed these amazing feats for millions of perfect strangers.  Maybe even you.

So who is this mysterious hero?

Steve Jobs was a man who touched the lives of every person in this country indirectly, but powerfully.

Most people know who Steve Jobs was.  Those that don’t know his name know his work.  He was a visionary man who made a profound impact on life in this country.

For those of you who may not know, Steve Jobs was the founder and CEO of Apple.  He is responsible for bringing us the Mac, the ipad, the iphone, the ipod, itunes, and was a major investor in the success of Pixar Animations Studios. 

He was an innovator. 

Jobs kept his mind open, his ideas flowing and his private life private.    In honor of his memory, this article will do the same.  His story is touching and rare, and will be shared with the world over and over again in time.  But for now all that can be said is thank you. 

Every time I sing a song from Finding Nemo to my daughter, I will think of Steve Jobs because in small part, he is the reason I can share that moment with her.  

A Place I Love

When I was a child, my favorite place to be was sitting around an old cable wheel on a front porch in North Jersey. 

The cable wheel was a huge, varnished and peeling, make shift table with a hole in the center large enough to lose a soda can down.  It sat in between the front windows that looked into the living room of a small blue house with cream-colored shutters.  It was surrounded by three folding chairs.

I can remember sitting on my knees and holding myself up on the table with my elbows on summer afternoons.  From my vantage point, I would greet the mailman and say a friendly hello to the neighbors walking their dogs or sitting on their porches.  Occasionally, I would hop down and work off some of my childhood energy by running a stick against the picket fence running along the front of the house, or watering the flowerbeds. 

But to six year old me, that table was the greatest place in the world.

I would sit there for hours with an old man, eating pistachios and secretly stashing the shells in the hole in the center of the wheel.   Every now and then, I would climb on the table to peer down the hole and see how full it was.  We would get caught once in a while and my grandmother would holler at us to “Stop that.”  “That’s what garbage cans are for,” she would say.  We would just laugh.

As soon as she wasn’t looking, the old man would always stuff the first shells he emptied into the void, letting me know it was ok.

I would sit with him for hours.  He would tell jokes and make faces.  We would share stories and laugh together.  Sometimes he would take me to the park nearby, or for a walk to the bakery, but the afternoons always started and ended on the porch around the wheel.

When my grandfather got sick, my grandparents moved to a home requiring less work, and they sold the blue house with the picket fence and the quaint front porch.  And my wheel.

At the time I didn’t realize how much it mattered.  I had moved before and thought nothing of it, or the fact that they had left the old makeshift cable wheel table behind.

Now, sixteen years later, I know what a difference that seemingly insignificant piece of furniture made on my life.  That dried out and peeling old hunk of wood that left varnish chips stuck to my arms was my first lesson in what it meant to be part of a community.  It was a lesson in good-natured fun.  It taught me to laugh and to love.  And it continues to be a place I can go when I need a smile or a little pick me up.

I have lost my grandfather since.  The table is no longer on that porch in North Jersey.  But this place will live forever within me.

Simple Kind of Life

It was a nice change of pace listening to the 70's station on the radio at work this weekend.  Normally I spend seven hours singing along with the same twenty songs from the 60's I have heard every weekend for the last two years, but not this week.
I was greeted by the sweet sound of Billy Joel's Piano Man and it was a great morning.  It was followed by Juice Newton's Angel of the Morning, and shortly after by Hotel California.  The mix of oldies couldn't have been better if I had planned it myself.  It was as if someone had picked my brain and played exactly what would start my day off right. 

Now I have always thought of myself as a simple kind of girl.  Not naive, but easy to impress or please.  Like the song from Alvin and the Chipmunks, I "don't want flashy things, fancy cars, diamond rings."  I often find myself saying things like "It's the thought that counts."  I get excited when I can cook a whole meal without burning anything, if I get a good picture on the first try, or when it thunderstorms at night.  So in this case, the music selection that was made on the original airing of the radio program in the 70's, made my day.  And it was only 9 a.m.

But there was more day to come.

I was surprised to find that I got to work with one of my favorite co workers.  He was filling in for another employee, as was I.  Made my day again.

I received compliments from strangers.  My breakfast hit the spot.  The weather was perfect.  I got a hug from a friend.  I shared a wonderful dinner with my neighbor.  And I spent the night cuddled up next to the most beautiful girl in the world. (my daughter)

In retrospect, what I had thought was a long and tiring day, turned out to be a wonderful day.  And it was the little things that made it great.

Someday I will look back and think the same thing about my life.  And I will not be surprised in the least to find that the moments and events that made my life amazing were the little things most people will overlook.  Like the difference the choice of music can make on the perspective for the day.

Who Has The Time?

Everyone I know has one thing in common.  They all complain that they have no time

I will admit that time is a precious commodity in today's society, but I would also say that many of the issues we have with time in our personal lives are things that we bring onto ourselves.

Of course, between working, raising children, and running a household, most adults are busy creatures.  But those are the basics.  Most of us go so much further with activities that are not required for maintaining our life styles that we really only bring the time management issue on ourselves.

For example, I work two part time jobs.  I have a six year old daughter.  I maintain my own residence.
The basics right?

But then, I go to school full time.  I am homeschooling my daughter.  I am the chapter treasurer of the ACLU at my college.  I do volunteer work.  I write this blog.  I have pen pals via email.  I sell on ebay, etsy and amazon.  I visit friends and family  regularly.  I have a facebook page.  I watch movies.  I play with my daughter as well as a thousand other things a day. 

So whats my point?

Everyone says they have no time.  Really what they mean is that they have filled all the hours in the day with things that they want to do and things they need to do and can't find time to do more.  Everyone is busy, but try to make time for personal, real, one on one, face to face interaction with live bodied people as often a possible.  If friends as you for drinks don't say no so you can stay home and do the dishes and vacuum and check your facebook to be jealous of all the awesome status updates they are posting while you have dishpan hands.  Go out and do it too!  The dished will be there tomorrow.  Live your life.  You'll be grateful in the long run.

Who Cares?

It is funny how in certain situations, the people that you least expect to hear from will be there for you and those that you are waiting for, may be no where to be found.  You see, it's not distance or time that makes people close, but depth of conversation and emotion. 

As most people that know me have probably already learned, I was into the hospital for an emergency surgery on Sunday night.  What surprised me most is who I heard from during my two days in the hospital. 

In that time, I was wished well by childhood friends that I haven't seen or heard from in years.  Thoughts of me were sent out from men and women I went to high school with and have not had contact with since.  I had some visitors that I expected and some that I expected didn't show.  Family from out of state called.  Friends came long distances just to let me know they were there and they cared for me.  It was a surreal experience. 

Here is what it made me see.  It doesn't matter how often you speak with someone, what the history is between you, whether they are near of far, what your work schedules are, who you see regularly, who you are dating, who you love or how you know them; some people will care for you no matter the situation and some will not.

Now don't get me wrong, I am extremely fortunate and grateful that so many of you were concerned and sent your thoughts and prayers my way.  I was also a bit disappointed that there were people I had hoped to hear from, and did not.  But it shows every one's true colors.  Life is full of events that make you see how those in your life see you.

Be grateful for those that care whether or not it is expected and accept that whether it is because of some great kindness you once showed them, a deep relationship you once shared or a simple act that kept you in their heart, you are not alone.

25 Things I Have Learned

People say that you should learn something new everyday.  I believe that we all learn an insurmountable amount of important lessons each day that we may not even realize.  These are things that may teach a moral, draw out generalities or sift through the sand to make the bigger life picture clear.  Most days, these moments probably pass you by without you ever taking into consideration the impact they have made on the way you see and live your life.

Today, I want to share a project inspired by my friends, family, and the wonderful Ed Ackerman.  Any of you that have had the privilege of taking Ed's feature writing course will know this one well.

I will be sharing 25 things that I have learned this week.  Here we go.

1. A kiss is never 'just a kiss'.
2. Time always speeds by when you are enjoying the experience.
3. Connecting with strangers is often as simple as a smile.
4. Intense situations never play out as good or as bad as you imagined. 
5. Distance is nothing in a deep rooted friendship.
6. Love takes many forms and changes many times through the years.
7. There is never a dull moment.
8. The sound of the rain pattering on the deck on a dreary day makes staying inside a treat.
9. Take time to sit back and enjoy the view.
10. People often see you far differently than you see yourself.
11. I blush. A lot.
12. The three year old will repeat 'goddamn it' every time you say it.
13. It is sometimes harder to be honest with yourself, than it is to be honest with those around you.
14. The most important people in our lives are often the ones we have hurt the most.
15. I look great in orange.
16. When you are arguing with someone, all the music on the radio seems to speak their point.
17. The answer that makes the child stop asking 'why' is 'y is a crooked letter'.
18. Age is often an irrelevant number that cannot be used to define how a person will behave.
19. Certain words are almost taboo in adult life, such as date, love, and affair.
20. Desperation and poor decision making skills go hand in hand.
21. I have tolerance in abundance and patience in short supply.
22. Everything is open to interpretation.
23. A simple soft caress of the cheek can carry a message faster and better than words.
24. It all works out the way it is supposed to.

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY...

25. I will survive. :)

What Lies Inside

There are decisions in every ones life that require a strenuous amount of deliberation and emotion to determine the proper choice has been made.  For some of these decisions, one may seek the counsel of friends, family or even professionals before deciding what will be right for them.  But in the end, the only person qualified t make the decision about what is right for them is in fact them. 

Sure, it is nice to feel as though you have backup, even if it is silent third party backup, with absolutely no stake in the decision; but once you choose the path to steer your ship of life to, you ride the wave alone.

I believe that is what scares people the most.  You seek the opinions of those close to you in order to convince yourself that once you take the leap into this life altering decision, that they will ride this wave by your side.  Despite the fact that it will more than likely not change a thing for them, you take comfort in knowing whether or not they support the choice you have made. 

After you have shared your thoughts and feelings about your dilemma and they have voiced their opinions, you walk away glad that you shared, but no more decided than you were prior to the conversation. 

This is because all you ever really needed to make the decision to take that job, leave that relationship, make that move, or marry that boy was inside you all along. 

No one knows what is better for you than you.  No one knows your dreams, your desires, or your true feelings better than you can know them yourself.  So it all comes down to you.  Do you have it?  I think it is there in all of us.  It may take some time to find once in a while, but it is ever present, waiting to show the world the beautiful person within.  Go for it, and life will always be better than yesterday.

As One Door Closes

Sometimes in life, though we may not always like it, things come to an end.  Now I'm not talking about the end of a favorite TV or movie series, or the end of a really intense game of ping pong.  I am talking about serious life situations.  Things like opportunities, jobs and even relationships; and although it may seem unbearable at the time, life has a way of working it out.

It comes down to that old saying "As one door closes, another always opens."

But what happens when your doors overlap?

What happens when one of the doors is defective, broken, refuses to shut and stay so, but a door you had hoped and wish would open does?

Scenario:

You are with a woman for several years and you have known for some time that the relationship was no longer fulfilling for you.  You have tried many times to get her to leave, and have tried to leave yourself, but because of your past together, and her on going feelings for you, you always end up being there when she is down.  She doesn't want to let go, and you don't want her to be hurt when she is.

BUT

You met a girl who was all of the things you had imagined your perfect mate to be.  She is funny, witty, intelligent, hard working and beautiful in every way you had imagined her to be.  You almost want there to be something wrong with her so that you don't feel so out of place around her.  You wait for months, not saying a word about your interest in her because of the woman that won't let go.  But one day she asks you out for drinks.  What do you do?

The doors have over lapped.

You, of course don't want the drama from the old relationship to taint the possibilities of a new one.
You want to jump on the opportunity to see the new woman.
You are in romantic limbo.

Naturally, you are torn by the precarious situation in which you are finding yourself.  However, there is only one answer.

Though it may not be the easy decision, you must let the first girl go.  By staying with her when your heart is not committed, you would be hurting her far more.  DON'T BE THE CHEATER! (speaking from experience, they never come out on top.)  Find a way to sever the cord and start living your life in a way that is true to both of you.  Sounds simple right?  Just hope you never have to try it.

When life opens a door for you, there is a reason greater than you know at the time. 


"Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls."
Joseph Campbell

The Grudge

It's a touchy subject.  The art of holding a grudge...but is it an art? 

Holding a grudge may be almost instinctive, but it is never the proper response.
Now I know there are people out there that would argue this to the death, and those people have probably lost a good number of friends and relatives over misunderstandings and miscommunication. 

However, I believe there is one very important question that needs to be asked before a grudge can be justified.  Who does this benefit?

The answer is always no one.

What a grudge does for you:
     It is a constant reminder of the incident that made you angry in the first place.
     It keeps your feelings bottled up and creates unneeded hostility.
     It creates boundaries within the social and emotional aspects of your life.
     It prevents you from recovering from the incident that caused you to hold said grudge.

What a grudge does for the other party:
     Could cause them to feel guilt and remorse, not allowing them to repair or recover.
     Could cause hostility towards you in return.
     But this is only if they even notice.

We have all held a grudge at some point.  But what purpose did it serve?

When I was pregnant with my daughter, my father's parents made a comment that hurt me.  I did not speak to them for six years because of it.  My father was away, and so I cut them completely out of my life, and as a result so did my brother, sister, and mother.  They never met their great grand daughter.  When my father finally rejoined the family, he immediately contacted his parents, and after much insisting, I allowed them back into my life.  Here's the problem.  They never knew I was angry.  They did not have any memory of saying anything that would have upset me, or anyone else, and the entire time I exiled them from my life, they thought it was because of what my father had done. 

I had held a grudge for six years that was pointless.  They had no idea and it was only baggage on my life.  So before you decide to hold a grudge, ask yourself if it is worth your aggravation.  That is who it really affects, you and only you.  Move forward, forgive and evolve.  It will make you happier in the long run.

The No Judgement Zone

Everyone has seen it happen.

You are walking through the office and you overhear two co workers trashing another co worker in a corner. Never over anything relevant like the quality of her work, or that he set your desk on fire.  They are always commenting on things they personally don't like about the other person.

Now in this situation you can do one of three things:
     1.  You can jump right in on the conversation
          and begin to criticize the person right along
          with the others.
     2.  You can walk away in semi disbelief and
          pretend that you didn't hear anything,even
          though the entire drive home you will
          will be thinking about all of the things you
          would have said to show those people they
          were wrong and out of line, had you not been
          on your way to get the celery out of your
          teeth at the time.
     3.  OR  you could actually say something.

Now honestly, most of us are going to end up doing the second.  There are reasons for this.  Some of us may be shy, maybe it was your boss or a senior employee doing the trashing, or maybe you just can't think of the right thing to say in those situations and you thought it best to not give the offenders ammo for you.  But, whatever the reason, let's look at why the third is the right thing to do.

I was once told that "Every person is doing the best that they think they can do with what they've got."

What I mean, is that everyone is born with some things, good looks, family connections, etc.
Then everyone is taught other things, and all of those things are different for every person.
Together, what you are born with and what you are taught make up what you have "got". Are you following ?

So if the ditsy girl at the office asks you more questions than most people would to ensure that the job she is helping you to do is done correctly, do you really need to talk about her behind her back for it?  After all, the job is getting done, you don't have to do it yourself, and she is polite and efficient. 

You should always try to remember that everyone is different.  Things may annoy you about people in your life, but instead of talking about them behind their backs, try thinking about all of the things you do that annoy others. And always try to find something good in everyone you meet.  Big or small there is always something there.  No one is perfect.  And after all, can you imagine if you were the person being trashed in the halls?

Next time you hear that conversation, say something.  Defend the victim of idol bitching.  You may not win friends, but you will gain respect.  Even the gossipers know they are in the wrong, otherwise they wouldn't be whispering and they would not be ashamed to say it to their victim in front of the entire office.

To the BITCHERs  :  Say it loud and say it proud, or keep it to yourself.  (Should I add a flashing sign?)  Your negativity is probably doing far more damage to the work environment than anything the person you think you are better than could do.

You Can Teach An Old Dog New Tricks

I recently read an article that described all the stereotypes in Disney movies.

Read the Article

Now I am not saying that these stereotypes are not present, but I am saying that you do not notice them as a child.  It takes an adult to see the negatives in these films.  I can remember watching them as a child, and never once did I think to myself 'the bad guy has the voice of a black man.'  That never occurred to me and in fact I couldn't tell the difference until my late teens or early twenties.

But I did learn things from Disney films both as a child and as an adult.


The Jungle Book
     Child Me: learned that nature was a beautiful but dangerous
                      place.
     Adult Me: learned that in life there are always second chances.

Aladdin
     Child Me: learned that if you are always yourself, someone will
                      love you for it.
     Adult Me: learned that if you believe you can make a difference,
                      you will.

The Lion King
     Child Me: learned that one person can make all the difference.
     Adult Me: learned that after the loss of a loved one, life may
                      seem like it is over, but after the  proper grieving
                      period, life will go on and you will find yourself
                      again.

Pocahontas    
      Child Me: learned that nature is more wondrous and powerful
                       than we can imagine and it should be respected and cared for.
      Adult Me: learned that, although the trees don't really talk to you, you can still have a relationship
                       with nature that is refreshing and surprising.  (And also that the history is not always 
                       solid in Disney films.)

The Emperor's New Groove
     Child Me: learned that if you are selfish no one will like you.
     Adult Me: learned that if you can live in harmony with those around you, you will live the richest
                      life.

Peter  Pan
     Child Me: learned that you don't need to be an adult to care for those around you, like Peter cared
                      for the lost boys.
     Adult Me: learned that I should never take anything too seriously and should always remember to
                      have a little fun.

101 Dalmatians
     Child Me: learned that some people really are just bad people.
     Adult Me: learned that family is whom you make it.

And last but not least

Lady and The Tramp  and The Aristocats....because let's face it, they were almost the same story.
     Child Me: learned that love can be surprising.
     Adult Me: learned that love can be found in the most unlikely of places.

I'm sure there were many others, but for now, I suppose this shows what is seen through the eyes of someone who was enjoying the films for what they were and not looking for something negative.  So what did you learn from Disney?

Always Sunny

Guy Number 1: "How are you?"
Guy Number 2: "Fine. You?"

Sound familiar?

It sounds like almost every persons initial conversation with everyone they come into contact with.

But most people that say they are 'fine' don't stop to think about how they are truly feeling.

Fine:   1.  Of the highest quality. (fine wine)
           2.  Choice as in the quality of work. (fine painting)
           3. Consisting of minute particles. (sand)
I could continue, but there would be no point, because none of these describe a feeling or way of being, unless you happen to be a wine or a painting, or a beach.

So when did it become inappropriate to tell others how you are feeling?
It was once considered polite to say one was well, which is more acceptable because it describes a state of health or mind, and although it is a vague response, it would certainly cut it when the conversation is between strangers.

However, suppose it was your mother who inquired as to how you were.  In this situation I don't feel that well is an intimate enough answer.  The closer the relationship with the person, the more honest and forthcoming the answer should be.  Who said we were always supposed to be 'fine' anyway?

I believe that you should always try to be honest with this initial answer.  Suppose you get into a conversation, and you were not fine.  You were in fact ill, grumpy, and tired, and you wind up arguing with the other participant because of this.  It all could have been avoided if you had simply answered the question "How are you" honestly.

This leads us into the power of positive thinking.  I occasionally meet strangers in my line of work and most of them will ask the question.  I always answer with some sort of positive wording that doesn't normally fit with the question.

Fabulous, wonderful, splendid, peachy, ducky, lovely, phenomenal, fantastic, great...or anything else you can think of.  It brightens their day, which in turn brightens mine.

You could also try answers that truly express your mood like devious, playful, angry, mischievous, happy, giddy, disappointed, smug or excited.

The bottom line:____________
Honesty opens the doors of conversation, laughter and sometimes a deeper understanding of the person you are speaking to.  And isn't that the point of asking how someone is in the first place?

To Thine Own Self Be True

Today I was driving through the city during rush hour.  I was alone in the vehicle, which of course, meant the music was up just one click above where the deaf would listen to music.
Hear the song!----

 Naturally, I was singing and dancing like a fool, because, let's face it, everyone does it once in a while.

The vehicle next to me was a young couple, and they had noticed my personal party.  I noticed them laughing, and so like anyone else would do, I rolled down my window and told them what station I was listening to so they could join in, and continued my shindig.

OK. Now I know most people would be horribly embarrassed and would sooner speed away than invite the car next to them to join in, but why?

Everyone has things that they are afraid to do in public, but that we would gladly do when no one is looking, or at least when we think no one is looking.  Now don't get carried away with this idea and think it is suddenly acceptable to masturbate in the park.  No.  (Please don't do that.)

I am talking about singing, dancing, kissing, playing games, watching movies or listening to a kind of music that is unpopular or deemed inappropriate for your age.  But if we all do these things, then why are we so afraid to shake our stuff in the bar on Saturday night?

It is a fear of judgment.  Well have no fear.

Every person out there is hiding traits they have personally deemed unacceptable for the public eye, but it is important to remember that it is you who made that decision.  Besides, you never know who might fall in love with those quirky parts of your personality.

So let your freak flag wave freely!

Next time you are in the check out line, sing the song on the radio and do a jig.  Play basketball with that group of strange kids in the park the next time the urge strikes, or jump fully clothed into the pool at the family barbecue.  And soccer mom's that like Justin Bieber, blare it!  Damn the 'rules'  and the judgement.

To thine own self be true.  Besides, the looks you will get will make you laugh too, and laughing is always in the plus column at the end of the day.

Indulgence

Sometimes the best thing you can do to ease a troubled mind is to daydream.  Day dreaming is the sweetest and most honest form of fantasizing that you can do any time and any where. 

I daydream constantly. That's the great part.

I can be at work on the outside, surrounded by co workers and strangers alike, people barking orders at me in hostile and ignorant tones, the sounds of the coffee grinder and cash register in the background and the kitchen bell ringing for my attention; BUT on the inside I am imagining having dinner with the cute guy at the counter, what I would wear, where we would go, and the goofy things he would say in an attempt to win me over.

The experience is indulgent and refreshing.  It allows you to escape the hustle and bustle of your average day and experience a more relaxed version of your life.

The events you imagine may never come to pass, or those daydreams may help give you the courage to change your life and move towards your fantasy life.

So spend some time every so often focusing on your daydreams.  You may find something out about yourself or discover something worth changing your life for.

Words to Live By

As a writer, I am naturally drawn to words.  I express my emotions through writing.  I play word games for fun, and I even use words in most of the decorating in my home.  So it only comes naturally to me that words hold a deep meaning for me.

Think about it.  Words can inspire, hurt, clarify, protect, create and destroy.  The power of a word is nothing short of awesome.

EXAMPLE...

I __________ You.  The word you place in the blank makes all the difference.

This brings us to the moral of my story.  Don't say words unless you are committed to their meaning.  The words (and all the power they possess) spew from your lips and enter the ear space of another person.  That person then absorbs the power of the words in some way based on your choice of words and their meanings.  This process creates emotions within the person hearing them, that, depending on what was said, could create a negative response.

Always be prepared to stand behind the words that you speak.  Whether you are in the heat of an argument, the decor in your home, or just in the midst of an afternoon conversation, your words carry meaning and power that creep into the thoughts, hearts and decisions of those that hear them.  When you say hurtful things, you should not be surprised when the receiver becomes angry or upset.  Whether you think you meant to hurt them or not, you knew the meanings of the words you chose and you let the words pass through your lips.

So the next time you tell your boyfriend you hate his mother, be sure that you really hate his mother, and you are not simply angry.

The sign above my bed says 'Always Kiss Me Goodnight'.  I mean always.  Angry with you or not I expect that to stand because I stand by my words.  I meant what I said and I said what I meant...Horton was a genius. 

The Space Between

The space between two people is directly correlated to the degree of freedom to be yourself within the confines of that relationship.

Think about it.

You bump into a stranger on the street and you are not going to immediately divulge the details of your sex life, or your views on politics.  You will act in the way you were taught to be proper.  This may include a smile or polite hello.  It may be no response at all, but that is the difference between a stranger and a friend.

A friend would be privy to more personal information about you.  They may know how you drink your coffee, why you and your ex broke things off, or who you voted for in the last election.  The space between you and the friend is less than the space between you and the stranger.

Ok now follow me on this.

Consider that you are in a long term committed relationship.  How big is the space between you and  your chosen partner? This person should know all your hopes and dreams, your fantasies and fears.
What happens when one party feels unaccepted in any way by the other? The space between you is widened.  Your bond is lessened.  This tells me it is not meant to be.

If the person you are committed to does not allow you to be yourself, or you can not find it within you to be yourself with this person then it will only breed a great divide between you.  For example, if you have friends that know more about your goals for your future, or are more supportive of those goals than the man you have been seeing for -X- years, the space between you and your partner is too great.

Now don't confuse the space between to be a literal space.  It is possible to maintain strong relationships with people a great physical distance from you, as long as you have the freedom to express your ideas and emotions free of judgment and persecution. 

I guess the real moral of the story is to always be yourself.  If you feel unable to do so in any given relationship, romantic or otherwise, it may be time for a change.  You will never be happy playing your life by someone else's rules.  Surround yourself with people that will accept you for who you can honestly be around them, and you will live a close and happy life indeed.

Dear Mom and Dad,

Like millions of other unprepared teenagers will do this month, my baby sister graduated high school.  Naturally, my parents are worried about her future, her security, education, job options, and lifestyle in general.  All of their concern got me thinking about my own relationship with my parents, and if their worry and agitation from the decisions we make ever really changes.

If you need an example of what I mean, think of a time your parents aggressively offered their opinion or advice on a decision you made about what car you were going to buy, who you decided to date/marry, disciplining your child, or where you wanted to live. 

So for everyone out there. parent or child, who may have some idea of what I'm talking about...
here we go.


Dear Mom and Dad,
         I understand that you have an overwhelming sense of responsibility to assure that my life turns out perfect.  You want me to have the best of things for myself and my children and may even wish for me  to become successful enough to care for you without worry in your later years.  I know you have lived longer and have experienced more, and I appreciate all of your advice and concern; and would certainly miss your pointers if you were to cut me off from your input.

However, I will find my way. 

Remember that you raised me, and my decisions stem from the education, life experience, stories, morals and ideals that came from you.  Have faith in my ability to find my path with the life compass you provided.  I may not always choose the road you would choose for me, but I will discover the life that is right for me. 

Know that I love you, that I appreciate all you have done and will do for me.  Know I think of how you will judge my life decisions, no matter how conscious or subconsciously, prior to making my final decision.  You are always with me in some way, an it is in that way we choose these things together.

There is no need to be angry because of a decision I have made.  Every path leads to something and the possibilities could be greater than you may be able to see at the moment.  Believe that I will steer my life in a direction that will make me successful and happy in the ways  I define those two ideas and those ideas again come from the life you have given me.   You may not understand why or how but I know the answers and if you ask me I will tell you.   That is the beauty of growing up. I will make my way just as you did.
I love you even though there are times I may not like you. 
Trust and believe and one day I will make you proud.

Standing on my own two feet,
Your son/ daughter

Hearing vs. Listening

Have you ever had a conversation, maybe with a parent or a significant other, during which you poured out your heart and you truly believed that their knowledge of how you thought and felt would change your relationship forever?
And then it didn't.

Ok. Let's say you have never had that conversation. Have you ever heard a song on the radio you've known the words to for years, and realize while you are singing along, that the song is not what you thought because you just realized what the words actually meant?

It is the same feeling.

All along you were hearing that song.  But you never took the time to apply meaning to the lyrics. You were hearing, not listening.

Most people know the difference between hearing and listening, but somehow have the inability to apply it to conversation.

So when I say "I want you to move out."
He hears "I'm angry, wait until tomorrow morning and we will start again."
Even though I mean what I say and if you were listening it would be obvious, you were hearing the words but not applying all the aspects of listening to the conversation.

Consider body language.
If I say "I want you to move out," while hiding under the covers and crying I may just be upset and need time to cool off before approaching the subject again.
If I say it standing in the middle of the room, tall shoulders back, not crying, and helping you pack like a civilized adult, there is a good chance that I meant it.

Consider tone.
If I am irrational and screaming that I want you to leave, I may be angry and need time to cool off.
If it is during a conversation, during which both of us are level toned and calm, there is a good chance that I mean it.

Consider the meaning of the words.
If I say "Get out and leave me alone." I probably  want you to "get out" of the room/house and "leave me alone" until I calm down.
If I say "This relationship isn't working and I think that it is time for you to find a new place to live," that is probably exactly what I mean.

Your conversations my not be as serious as the example, but it paints a clearer picture.  Imagine the problems that could be cured by clear communication. Listen to the ones you love.  It could make all the difference.

Like the first time I realized what Love in an Elevator by Aerosmith was actually about...shocking.