Wednesday, June 15, 2011

The Space Between

The space between two people is directly correlated to the degree of freedom to be yourself within the confines of that relationship.

Think about it.

You bump into a stranger on the street and you are not going to immediately divulge the details of your sex life, or your views on politics.  You will act in the way you were taught to be proper.  This may include a smile or polite hello.  It may be no response at all, but that is the difference between a stranger and a friend.

A friend would be privy to more personal information about you.  They may know how you drink your coffee, why you and your ex broke things off, or who you voted for in the last election.  The space between you and the friend is less than the space between you and the stranger.

Ok now follow me on this.

Consider that you are in a long term committed relationship.  How big is the space between you and  your chosen partner? This person should know all your hopes and dreams, your fantasies and fears.
What happens when one party feels unaccepted in any way by the other? The space between you is widened.  Your bond is lessened.  This tells me it is not meant to be.

If the person you are committed to does not allow you to be yourself, or you can not find it within you to be yourself with this person then it will only breed a great divide between you.  For example, if you have friends that know more about your goals for your future, or are more supportive of those goals than the man you have been seeing for -X- years, the space between you and your partner is too great.

Now don't confuse the space between to be a literal space.  It is possible to maintain strong relationships with people a great physical distance from you, as long as you have the freedom to express your ideas and emotions free of judgment and persecution. 

I guess the real moral of the story is to always be yourself.  If you feel unable to do so in any given relationship, romantic or otherwise, it may be time for a change.  You will never be happy playing your life by someone else's rules.  Surround yourself with people that will accept you for who you can honestly be around them, and you will live a close and happy life indeed.

1 comment:

  1. I am most definitely on the same page here. My partner and I have basically the great divide between us, yet we stay together as a family and try to work through it for our daughters sake. We don't cuddle, hold hands, spontaneously kiss, live under the same roof, or have anything interesting to talk to eachother about. Its been two years and I feel as an adult we are making very slow, if any, progress....are we just fooling ourselves or are we grunting it out like every other hard working family in their late 20s???