Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Women lead two lives.
Sometimes more, but for the most part just two. We are strong, beautiful, opinionated creatures. We know what we don't like. We know what makes us comfortable. We each have our own sense of style and personalities that sparkle under the circumstances that make us feel like the women we think of ourselves as.
Then we lead a life for those around us.
Let's face it, we are mothers, daughters, and wives. We play all of these rolls and in each there is a different stigma, there are different expectations of who we should be.
The problem starts when the you inside doesn't agree with the you life expects you to be.
Mothers for example, are expected to be firm and gentle, playful, attentive and above all selfless. Moms wake their children, lay out their clothes, hover over the childs' every move to be sure the child is clean, healthy, happy and respectful, while maintaining herself and all of the other duties we haven't even touched on yet.
Wives (or girlfriends) are expected to be an entirely different creature. A man wants his woman to be sexy, passive and attentive to his needs. Men want you to laugh at their jokes, make them feel needed, cook, clean, care for their children, work to help with the bills and look perfect doing all of it. Now beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but men expect their lady to know how he thinks she looks appealing.
Then they want you to be a goddess in bed. You should be ready to go at the drop of a hat and ready to end just as fast. As if the day you already had wasn't exhausting enough, now you need to be his personal masseuse, stripper and porn star. I'm all for fun in the bedroom, but in my experience, it is an expectation to be fulfilled rather than an experience to be enjoyed.
And of course as a daughter, you can't be taking part in any of these acts because your parents still like to think of you as their little girl.
But what about the woman inside every woman?
It's a taboo subject to talk even among ourselves about the lives we want to have or the things we don't do because of our responsibilities in these roles. You become exhausted trying to keep up with all of the demands. You feel bound by your responsibilities and are afraid to express any disappointment with the life you lead for fear of scrutiny.
Some women give up going to college, or a career in something they love to care for children or move with a spouse so he can take a job. Some lose friends and relatives over relationships and disputes with your partner. Sometimes it is far worse.
There has to be some inner balance. Otherwise the woman inside will break free recklessly. Don't keep the you you want to be bottled up inside for anyone. If you can't be yourself 100% they don't deserve the wonderful you inside. And don't ever settle for what life has handed you. If it isn't in line with who you are then change the situation.
If you and your husband don't have the same views on major issues affecting the way you live your lives, then maybe the relationship isn't healthy for you. If being a 'cool parent' doesn't help you raise your child the way you want them to be, maybe you need to change it up, find your own way.
Know what you feel and believe and live by it and no one else's standards. We are not our grandparents generation and the idea that women need to live like this is dying but not dead. Let's not pass this burden of womanhood on to our daughters.